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Intentional Dating Part 1

Updated: Oct 16, 2023



One area that our team is really passionate about is dating with intentionality.


Recently, I had someone bring up dating and views on dating and mentioned that they felt some kind of way for even talking about this in therapy. We were able to lean in and name out loud that who we partner with or who we desire to partner with is one of the most important values and desires in life.


If that’s one of most important things for many of us, then we absolutely need to be talking about it with our friends, families, therapists, etc.




So let’s talk about it briefly for the context of this platform, but if you want to talk more extensively, our team would LOVE to join you in that!


Dating

When I just say the word dating, that may elicit dread, happy memories, complete overwhelm, excitement, and so much more.


First and foremost, we think that it can be valuable and potentially change your experience of dating to have a safe space to talk about and explore

  • your view of dating

  • how you define dating

  • what emotions/body sensations come up when you just hear the word

  • what you are looking for in terms of level of connection: Are you seeking to find one person to date exclusively, are you interested in going on dates with lots of people, etc.

“Dating is as much about learning what you need and want, and how you need to grow and change, as it is about finding the ‘right person.’” How To Get a Date Worth Keeping, Henry Cloud, page 33

Where the Heck Do We Meet Someone These Days?

Holy moly, this is such a real question and one that seems elusive at times. I remember when I was dating and said this exact phrase so many times.


A few ideas of places within your city or town:

  • Church

  • Parties

  • Conventions

  • Museums

  • Sporting Events

  • Dining Out

  • Professional Events

  • Work

  • Book Clubs

  • Dating Service

  • Friends

  • School or Graduate School

  • Volunteering

  • Weddings

  • On an Airplane

  • Family members

  • Alumni Events

  • Dating Apps

I heard once that unless I wanted to marry the food delivery person or the Amazon delivery person, then the chances that my future partner was going to show up at my doorstep wasn't likely. Gosh, that stung when I first heard it, but, deep down, I knew it was true.


I tried SO many of those places to meet someone; sometimes I did meet new potentials and sometimes I didn’t. Our mindset when we show up in these settings really does have an impact on how open we are to an opportunity. (This could be a great topic to explore in counseling.)


Eventually in my story, I (Kim) met my husband on Match.com, through a free, 7-day trial that I didn’t want to be on because I wasn’t sure the actual paid “online dating platforms” would be worth it. Turns out the joke is sort of on me. I didn’t actually pay for the service, but it did turn out to be the place where I first connected with my now husband.


With dating, even holding some intentionality not only benefits you, but the other person too.

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