Embracing Identity: Navigating Multi-Ethnicity and Choosing the Right Box
Growing up with parents from two different cultures can be confusing. It can be confusing for the child and confusing for others when you don't fit into the box they expect you to fit in to. My mother is white and born in the United States and my father is from Colombia and is darker-skinned. As someone who did not grow up speaking Spanish, at times it can feel disingenuous to claim that part of my heritage. And yet that is a real part of my identity. The paternal side of my family immigrated to the United States in the late 60's and started a whole new life here. Growing up in the South, I was unsure of how to embrace this part of my identity. As I was often unsure, others too were often unsure of how to interact with this part of me. If friends had questions, they didn't always know how to ask those questions.
As someone who has navigated these types of conversations, here are a few tips for people who have biracial and/or multiethnic loved ones who are seeking to be more sensitive and better informed about their experiences:
Educate Yourself: If you have a friend that comes from a particular culture or country, educate yourself about where they are from! Take initiative. What a beautiful way to show love, care and interest in that relationship. Additionally, educate yourself further on diversity, inclusion and racism by reading books that discuss discrimination, listening to podcasts that discuss impact of racism, watching documentaries, exploring blogs that highlight issues that families from different races and ethnicities face, and websites that are there to provide resources and information. Engage with other forms of media that help highlight the different lived experiences of others. Be open to learning and stay curious. You never know what types of experiences your loved ones have had due to their race or ethnicity. Lean into the material, even if it's uncomfortable for you. Consider that perhaps your own discomfort is trying to tell you something.
Avoid Stereotypes: Stay curious rather than assuming certain qualities about someone's culture. Celebrate their individuality and avoid comments that could come across as hurtful or offensive. Avoid generalities and refrain from making broad statements. Diversity and individuality exist in every group of people.
Ask Questions, Don't Assume: It's not uncommon for people of difference races and cultures to be asked questions like "What are you?" or "Where are you really from?" While these questions often come from a place of love, it can be a dehumanizing experience for some. Try asking the question in such a way that communicates kindness and curiosity. Try "Can you tell me more about your family's heritage?" This communicates mutual respect as well as a desire to learn and listen.
Join When You Can: Some families have unique traditions and practices that are special to them and their culture. If they ever invite you to an event or family gathering, lead with a yes! You never know how meaningful it could be to that friend to have you present and engaged with them. It's also an opportunity for you to learn about another culture.
Reflect On Your Own Biases And Privilege: Consider your social location. Most of us have biases and privilege in some area of our life. For some that includes race, for others it's gender or sexual identity. It's an important part of self growth to reflect on the parts of our identity that are privileged as well as oppressed. Once we consider this for ourselves, we can then ask ourselves "How does my own personal privilege influence how I view and treat others?" Once you answer this question for yourself, you'll start to become awake to areas in your life where your own personal bias has led you to make certain choices.
Cultivate A Diverse Community: Diversity encourages us to challenge and refine our beliefs and preconceived notions about others. Prioritize learning from other's unique lived experiences and you might find yourself learning to have broader perspectives. Engage in local community activities like cultural festivals or even workshops that are centered around diversity and inclusion. Focus on the quality of these connections, not the quantity.
When it comes to navigating relationships with others from different backgrounds and cultures, it's so important to remember that identity is a personal journey. Embracing the beauty of your own diverse background allows you to connect with others and connect with yourself in new ways.
By being intentional about educating ourselves and supporting our loved ones, together we can break down barriers and forge deeper connections. Let's continue to engage in these conversations, show up for one another and continue to work towards a world where every identity is honored and celebrated, creating a more inclusive and empathetic community for all.
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