Creating a Calm Down Box: Resourcing your child and yourself for Hard Moments
Following up on our recent blog on Toddler Tantrums, here is a practical way to gather tools for those hard, dysregulated moments: Creating a calm-down box! As a reminder- you (the parent) keeping your calm is one of the most important tools you have in calming your child! But we all know that can be hard to do. Therefore, it is important to include options in this box that are helpful for you, too.
Photo by Gautam Arora on Unsplash
If your child is old enough, involving them in creating the box is both an empowering and connecting experience. This can even be a good opportunity to create some conversation around what is going on for them (and you) during these dysregulating moments. For example,
“You know how sometimes you feel really upset and it's hard to calm your body down? Mommy feels that same way. If I have big feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger, it can feel like my body is going to explode! It's hard to have clear and kind thoughts, and it can feel easier to hit or yell. We all need help finding the calm in our bodies. This box is full of tools to help. Let’s talk about how we can use each tool together. Then, the next time one of us is having a hard time, we can bring the box out to help one another.”
Below are some ideas for materials to include in the box. Choose whatever feels most helpful or feasible and make it your own! You can put the materials in a literal box to grab when needed, or you can even create a “Calm Down Corner” in a certain room of your home.
Note: When you or your child hit the point of dysregulation, thinking about “the best tool to use” in the moment can be difficult. Make it easy on yourself and print out some cue cards! We included some at the bottom of this blog. You can laminate these sheets or cut them out to put on a ring for easy access.
Some notes about the different “categories” of cards:
Movement: Moving the body is one of the best ways to change nervous system states!
Grounding: Bring your mind and body to what is right in front of you, in the present.
Engage the senses: Sight, Taste, Touch, Smell, Sound. Focusing differently on these is a great distraction tool.
Breathing: Breathing is one of THE MOST effective ways to down-regulate the nervous system. Practice deep breathing during calm moments so that the body is familiar with it during the hard moments. It is also important to breathe OUT longer than you breathe IN. Find a method that works best for you and your kiddo.
Materials (based on the cards/tools you choose to include in the box):
Items that engage touch:
Fidgets/spinners
Stress ball
Playdough
Paper or coloring sheets and markers/crayons
Items that engage taste
Gum
Hard candy or lollipops
A crunchy snack
Water!
Tea bags for warm tea
Items that engage smell:
Bottle of favorite essential oil
Scented lotion
Other items:
Bubbles
Noise-canceling headphones
Eye covers
Stuffed animal
Weighted blanket or pillow
Favorite picture book
Photos of fond memories
Sound machine to make a room quiet
If you would like to include a therapist in your life to learn more about what happens to our brain when we are parenting, to talk through coping strategies, and to have someone in your corner– our team of Atlanta therapists would love to support you!
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